I am a Leo, where is my roar??

                                                        above by Susan Seddon Boulet


Still looking for answers, improvements to my scummy life, such as it is.
Decided to have a go at 'The Artist's Way' workbook by Julia Cameron. Seems that my imagination has completely left me, so I need to follow commands or prompts and this at least gives me something with which to while away the hours, waiting for these meds to be sorted out. I am strangely enough, feeling better since I reduced the Prozac. Was it having an adverse effect on me then? I know that one of the side effects is that it makes you feel more anxious (especially when you first start taking it).
This has made me wonder whether I wouldn't be better off without the flimmin' things. I wouldn't just stop taking them, but I do wonder. Would like to have a chat with the doc about that.


Appt at nuthouse was brief and I did not feel supported, just another nutter on the conveyor-belt of slight lunacy. Meds were discussed, change of meds discussed, new prescription handed out and "see you in six weeks". Yeh, ta very much, no help at all. Could have sorted that one myself. I'm a bit fragile around the edges, not a complete loony.
Can't believe the rainfall that we've had again today. People are once again in danger of being flooded out and whilst I'm grateful that I live on an elevated piece of rock, I do feel for those lower down.
No art to show today, but I have been working steadily on preparing yet more books for Art Journaling purposes, by gesso-ing and then painting pages.
Got quite a few books ready now and no inclination to fill them whatsoever! 

I recently found a blog where the owner has been producing guided journal pages for anyone to print off. I have been merrily printing away until just now, when my printer has run out of ink. I don't have a penny piece to my name to buy some more, until the 'powers that be', the DSS or whatever they call themselves these days, deign to give me something to live on. I have been waiting three weeks with no money at all coming in and if it hadn't been for my family, I'd be in big trouble, seriously.
Anyway, I digress. Here's the link for the lovely lady who has provided these pages, take a look...if you're experiencing a mental-art-block like me, they might well help you get going again.
www.graceisoverrated.com
She deserves a medal!


Almost finished preparing the altered book, above. I'll show it on here when it's fully prepped and ready for me to work in.

Black Dog

Problems worrying me very much:

1. Missing Kev so much, I can't think straight, can't breathe, keep crying and crying
2. Having trouble walking due to severe pain in left foot (possibly Metatarsalgia)
3. Waiting to see Orthopaedic Consultant for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (right hand), fingertips all numb
4. Bereavement Allowance due to finish mid-April and I only have 18 hours work per week...worried sick about ability (or rather, lack of it) to pay bills
5. Unhappy with work I'm doing anyway, never have found my true vocation


What I feel I need is someone to just take over. Someone who will come along and make everything okay, 'cos I just don't feel able to deal with it. The Black Dog isn't just visiting, he's moved in permanently.
Still struggling with my art too. I thought that I'd be churning out pages and pages of journalling, but I can't be asked. Every time I feel like doing something, I get to my workspace and just sit here, staring at the blank page. I might even get as far as decorating the page with some colour but then I come to a full stop because I don't know what to do next. My mind is blank...totally...and then I start crying again and give up. Useless.

This week I will be mostly...

Here's my spread for 'Fooled' which is week thirteen of the 52 pages group in Wild Precious Studio. I had to catch up with this group and it feels good to be getting back into working in my journals again. I've got seven journals on the go at the moment and I have to be careful sometimes that I do the right prompt in the correct journal. My concentration wanders and it isn't always easy to finish a piece, but I'm hoping that this will improve with time.
I am worried about a family member who's having a really hard time and I'm hoping that the problem they have will be resolved soon. Once again, thanks to the rest of my family for their continuing support, where would I be without you?
On top of that, I'm still waiting to hear whether the house exchange can go through and I have already started packing because the need to leave this house is so strong. There are so many memories here, good mostly, but they still hurt and I desperately want to move.
Yesterday, I had an invitation for a job interview next Thursday which is good news, but stressful also, on top of everything else. Juggling hundreds of balls in the air all at the same time now, can I cope? We'll have to see...thank god for art and WPS for helping to keep me sane!

Thank god for family. Mine have been supporting me for a while now and I don't know how I would have coped without them all. Of course, the lovely sons are included, even though they're not in the photo...
(pic taken at the Antiques Roadshow which came to town recently).
Still in shock I think, but life goes on even if you believe that the world should stop when your own comes crashing down. You carry on because you have to; because the rest of your family need you to....because Kev wanted me to do just that.
I haven't touched my art journals for some time, it seems frivolous somehow, but working in them has always helped me in the past, so maybe I will try soon.

Busy ......

This is another interesting art site on ning. It's called little glimpses art community (which I have also joined), by Mystele Kirkeeng, an artist with a distinctive style. I've attempted a piece of work for my art journal from one of her free videos. I'll post it when I have taken some pictures tomorrow (If I remember).
It's 2.23 am and once again, I'm unable to sleep which will mean that I'll be tired all day, will probably fall asleep in the afternoon and consequently won't be able to sleep tomorrow night tonight. Oh the joys of the menopause!!