Hard Times...

My lovely husband Kevin, died on the 15th April, 2011. The cancer had apparently spread to his liver and after spending ten days in hospital, they sent him home, saying there was nothing else that they could do for him. He couldn't have chemotherapy because he was jaundiced, they said. But the truth of the matter was that three-quarters of his liver had been taken over with malignant growths, so it was too late for chemotherapy. Also, it would have done him more harm than good.
So we came home, thinking that at least we had a few months to be together. Sadly, even this was not to be.

We had nursing care and support from our GP's surgery and their wonderful District Nurses.
We were also helped by a local charity called The Beacon of Hope. They organised trained nurses to care for Kev at night, so that I could try to get some sleep, and then even sent a nurse in the afternoons when we needed the extra support. They have also helped me to wade through all the finances and other paperwork and they are still supporting me with that. I had had no idea that this sort of help was available and I will be eternally grateful to all involved in Kev's care.
My sister Carol too has helped with sorting out our affairs and she was and still is a tower of strength.

The cremation was so difficult, the sight of the coffin stopped me from getting out of the car for a while, but I did it with support from my family. My youngest son sat next to me and had his arm round my shoulder the whole time and I certainly gained a lot of strength from that. Both my sons have been wonderful, as have the rest of the family. It hit us all so hard, because it happened completely out of the blue. So shocking is this disease that it creeps up on you, without you having any idea of what is happening until it's far too late.
Kev didn't deserve this...not that anybody does, it's just that he was always laughing and smiling, cracking jokes...he liked to make people laugh and to be the life and soul of the party. He never knowingly hurt anyone, he had a heart of gold (all these cliches, but they are all true).
He was my rock, my soul-mate, my shining star. I will always love him and I am trying so hard to get on with life because he told me to before he died.