Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Up/Down

I have been having good and bad days. Now I seem to be having good and bad 'hours'. My moods are so changeable at present and I can wake up feeling okayish and by the time I'm up and dressed, I feel lower than the lowest thing imaginable. Then I feel better, then down again. It's extremely stressful, feeling like this and I have now developed palpitations, haven't had those for many years...When it first happened, I felt like my heart was missing a beat, there was a 'pause' in between heartbeats and it felt awful (and scary too). But after investigations, I was told that it wasn't a missed beat, but an extra beat. All probably due to stress they thought. Well, I can understand why they've come back, those extra beats. Losing my husband to cancer so quickly is the worst, most stressful event in my so far, crappy little life. The way I feel today, I don't care if it stops.
No, I'm not going to do anything silly, I have two brilliant sons and family who love me, I know. But Kev was everything to me and I miss him so much. I can't help wondering "What IS the point?"
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