Well here comes the third Christmas without Kevin. It feels like there's a huge gap in Christmas now, and no way of filling it. Feels pretty crappy and nothing to be done about it. But at least there's my lovely grandson and my boys of course; so I'm luckier than some.
My job is going well and I'm settling in. If I had known that it was on a chemotherapy treatment unit, I don't think that I would have gone for it, but maybe it was meant to work out this way. I am gobsmacked by how positive the patients are and how much smiling and even laughter goes on. They all deserve a medal. Sometimes it's heartbreakingly sad and I find it hard to hold it in until I get home and have a good cry. The nurses are amazing, to deal with it day in, day out and still keep going. And life goes on. That was the hardest thing to deal with day to day for me after I lost Kev. I couldn't understand how it happened and wanted to shout out to the world, "Don't you know that he's gone? How can you just carry on?" But it does...go on I mean, like it or like it not.