Sunday, 8 January 2012

'Twas stress...

I'm feeling better now that the doc has given me a prescription for an increased dose of Prozac. It has lifted my mood enough to allow me to think more logically and I feel calmer. I'm not crying as much as I was either. The vertigo and nausea I experienced recently has gone, thank goodness. I couldn't have handled that for much longer. The doc said it was caused by stress.

It's been almost nine months since Kev died. I do not know the stage of grief I am at just now, I still feel very mixed up. I was finding it extremely difficult to cope with my fluctuating emotions. This stage, if that's what it is, is NOT acceptance because I still feel shocked at the speed with which he was taken away from me. I still feel despair at the realisation that I will NEVER see him again, never hear his voice, never be able to have a big bear hug from him...
When I do try to understand it, my brain stops thinking, sort clears and there is nothing there in my head anymore. It's too much to deal with, so I switch off somehow.

I have kept myself extremely busy today, trying to prepare my tiny bathroom for painting. I am still scraping the 70's orange fish wallpaper off the walls, only one small area left now, which I intend to tackle tomorrow. I managed to give the ceiling a coat of white emulsion, well actually three...and it could do with another one or two coats!!
And this is what's underneath it, dark green paint!! Who on earth would decorate a tiny room in those awful colours?? I'm going to keep working on this room now, so that we can at least have one room finished. Can't wait until it's done!
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