Thursday, 23 February 2012

Black Dog

Problems worrying me very much:

1. Missing Kev so much, I can't think straight, can't breathe, keep crying and crying
2. Having trouble walking due to severe pain in left foot (possibly Metatarsalgia)
3. Waiting to see Orthopaedic Consultant for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (right hand), fingertips all numb
4. Bereavement Allowance due to finish mid-April and I only have 18 hours work per week...worried sick about ability (or rather, lack of it) to pay bills
5. Unhappy with work I'm doing anyway, never have found my true vocation

What I feel I need is someone to just take over. Someone who will come along and make everything okay, 'cos I just don't feel able to deal with it. The Black Dog isn't just visiting, he's moved in permanently.
Still struggling with my art too. I thought that I'd be churning out pages and pages of journalling, but I can't be asked. Every time I feel like doing something, I get to my workspace and just sit here, staring at the blank page. I might even get as far as decorating the page with some colour but then I come to a full stop because I don't know what to do next. My mind is blank...totally...and then I start crying again and give up. Useless.

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