Saturday, 7 April 2012

It's coming up to a year since Kevin died (April 15th). It's been 'hanging over' me for a while now and I have been feeling extremely stressed out and considering that I have also just left a job and started another, I suppose that I shouldn't be surprised. The overwhelming feeling that I have is of exhaustion. So many months of crying, trying for jobs, going for interviews, paying the bills on very little money, etc; etc; and all without my Kev, my rock, to help and support me.

I miss him so very much but I can't bring him back.

I wake up in the morning and it sometimes takes a few seconds to realise that, yes, the nightmare continues and that even though he was in the lovely dream I had last night, now I'm awake he is no longer here. I hate that this happened, I want to scream and shout, break something, blame someone, but who? God??
I don't believe in him/her, so I blame myself instead. It works for me.

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