Saturday, 18 August 2012


I am waiting for things to change.
Life since Kevin died has (obviously) been abysmal. But nothing improves, at all, not even one little bit. I have been struggling and I hate this because I used to be such an independent person, but these days, I'm such a wimp. And I hate it. I want at least a bit of the old me back, because I've still got lots of crap to go through and I need the strength.
Struggling with art still and that is a huge source of sadness, disappointment and confusion to me. I thought my mojo had returned a little while ago, but no. I have cleaned my desk even though it's not messy, all my art supplies are sitting there, gathering dust and calling to me, but I just can't get shifted. So, I've just signed up for a challenge on to do a free-form 3D doll with the theme of 'Forming Friendships'. I've never made a doll before, so this should be interesting, I've no idea how to begin.

Moved some furniture around today in my living-room. I'm just not happy with this flat and don't quite know what to do. I'm afraid I find myself wishing that I hadn't moved here, but I couldn't have stayed in the last house either after Kev died. Maybe I will be able to settle (if and when) my mood picks up, I've only been on Sertraline for two weeks and my doc has already upped the dose because my mood is often very low. Don't want to be like this anymore thanks!
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